So, this is a plea for help. I sent a script to the BBC Writer’s Room about four months ago. It came back on Saturday, rejected in the first 'sift'. This means they rejected it after reading the first 10 pages. No reason why. They just thought it not good enough to read in full.
I understand that the script isn't the next 'Streetcar Named Desire' but I can't fathom that it could really be so bad as to warrant summary dismissal. Anyway, it’s over in my vanity vault of unpublished curios. If anybody would care to read it, I’d be welcome your constructive thoughts. At the moment, I just can’t move forward. I can’t overcome the feeling of ‘what’s the point’...
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7 comments:
i would guess they had a backload, maybe one of their interns was off ill or on holiday, so they decided to just reject everything for a week, to clear the decks.
I've just read it. I'm not really qualified to talk about things like pacing etc - I find it hard to make the imaginitive leap from the written word to how it would play out when acted, but my impressions, for what they're worth, are:
1. you have no problem with gags, as we all know, but possibly there are just too many, especically in the dialogue and general conversation. There's some funny stuff in there, but I wonder if it renders the thing a bit too one-paced? I think the most successful bits are Duncan's nasty/cynical soliloquys, which fade over the witterings of the imbecilic characters. If these appeared as a sudden and jarring contrast to very bland, normal office dialogue - and especially if Duncan himself was less overtly cynical during conversation but humoured his colleagues or was subtle about it - the whole thing might be more effective.
Tricky though - you could just end up rewriting Reggie Perrin. The solution might be to go darker than Perrin, more 21st Century anyway, give Duncan a grisly backstory or something.
2. I think the beginning needs to make the scene a bit clearer - explain what the office is/does etc. It was a bit confusing.
First episodes of sitcoms are always tricky because they have to establish the scene and characters while still being funny. I suppose this is even harder on radio, where you can't just do a few visual shortcuts.
3. Maybe you could combine a couple of the characters into one - there are possibly too many characters without a clear definition (or maybe that wouldn't be a problem when acted).
Thanks Brit. Extremely helpful. I'm in the office now so can't respond in too much length.
I consciously tried to make it have scenes with multiple characters. My tendency is to just do one-on-one dialogues and I wanted to try something different. I'd hope that characters are fleshed out when a voice is attached. Sadly, I have no experience in having my stuff produced so there's no way of me knowing if that's true or not.
I packed it with jokes because the model I was following is about contant gags. However, in the end, it probably lends itself to a different style of radio comedy. I was also aware of this damn 10 page rule, getting as much into the beginning as possible.
I'll see what I can do to change the pace. I suppose I've listened to too much Old Harry's Game which does have a certain pace.
I'm really pleased you read it. It's slightly uncomfortable looking for criticism on something I worked quite hard on. It's like opening yourself up, saying this is the best I can do. You see all of my failings.
Well don;t give too much weight to my comments - I'm not remotely qualified other than as someone who likes comedy.
Brit, you are the second person to read it (assuming that the BBC actually cast an eye over it). Your feedback is priceless and I'm extremely grateful.
I've also just been paid so my new project can now go ahead... As a fan of comedy, I'm hoping you'll like it.
Dear Sir,
You may remember me as an admirer of Sir Jacob Murgatroid. I wonder if I may be permitted to join the rather exclusive club and view said script?
Of course I remember you, Sir! You had a nice credit in the book that got canned. I'll send you an invite ASAP. I'll hunt for your email address now.
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